Off in the distance you can see a shadowy figure. The fog is thick and you can smell the salty air from the pacific. It was moments ago that the sun was just setting and now the safety of daylight had been replaced with the darkness.
It was the kind of night that sent shivers down your spine. It was hard to see more then a few feet in any direction. The street lights were a welcomed sight but did little to improve the lurky uneasy feeling.
Amber just finished her shift at the Pirate’s Cove bar. It was situated just on the corner of main st in Torfino BC. Still dressed in her bar uniform that was a short black skirt and clinging white T-shirt with Pirates Cove, printed in black across her perky breasts. She stood exactly 5'4 inches, and her long blonde was hair pulled back off her face, big blue eyes and full lips and with curves in all the right places. Her looks were a definite asset in her line of work, and she was a horrible waitress but still managed to make the highest tips. Her good looks and sarcastic wit made her the bar’s employee of the month time after time.
She looked back over her shoulder when she heard the faint sound of footsteps behind her. It was a somewhat common occurrence for the local yahoo’s to try and follow a female home. Something about the gait of the person behind her was unsettling tho, and she couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe it was best to quicken her pace. It was definitely a male figure maybe 6" and he walked dragging one leg, almost like it had fallen asleep.
As the figure got closer she was overcome with a rotting corpse stench. The smell was quite unmistakable. Her summers working in the funeral home had etched that scent in her brain forever. On her first day of work they had brought in an elderly lady who had been dead for over a week, no amount of febreze would have covered that up.
Fearing the unknown, she picked up the pace and turned the corner. She could now breathe a sigh of relief knowing she was just metres from her small but chic apartment. The smell creeping up behind her became more and more intense. Should I look, she asked herself. Maybe it was best not to turn around. Everything inside her told her to run!
Just a few feet from her doorstep, she quickly plunged her left hand into her large black purse and rummaged for her keys. "Be calm,” she told herself. Suddenly she noticed a man leaning against a lamp post a few feet from her door. He was hard to make out. The man was talking on his cell phone. She sized him up to be about 5"9 or so, black hair and was wearing a grey work jacket. Amber finally found her betty boop key and slipped it into the lock. She had to wrestle with it for a few minutes. As she took a deep breath in, she felt sick from whatever aroma lingering in the air.
Just as she was about to turn the knob on her apartment door she felt a heavy clumsy hand fall on her shoulder. Panic had suddenly gripped her as she let out a blood curdling scream and turned around and came face to face with . . . A Zombie! His skin was gray and large pieces were torn from his flesh, he was tall and dressed in a bad gym suit that was tattered and dirty. His breath was putrid and he was almost bald with a bad comb over . . . She quickly looked over to see if the man she had seen before was still there . . . ”Help me” she cried to him frantically hoping that he was a man that would leap into action and not run away like a scared little girl. The zombie grunted “arrgh” and pointed to the man down the street who by this time she had noticed seemed quite unaffected by her screams and cries for help. “Ugh” he grunted louder “arghhhhh” still pointing in the other mans direction. He tugged on her arm ughrh grrrr argh. Was he here to eat her brains? He just seemed to point in the other mans direction?
“Do you want me to go over there” she said in a fairly sarcastic tone?
This made absolutely no sense to her by zombie standards. This guy was daft even though she had never encountered anything like this before. She thought maybe they were all morons’; maybe this is why they scour the country side eating brains in hopes or increasing their intelligence. Perhaps his last meal must have been a dumb blonde from Poughkeepsie.
The other man started to walk toward them. She tried to focus on the cell phone guy, instead or the Einstein zombie beside her. He looked like the guy from the commercial “Can you hear me now?”! He was standing in front of her now and handed her his cell phone. “Maybe you should call 911 here use my phone.” It was him, and she was sure of it now.
Frantically she punched in the numbers for the police. Oh God, no signal. Again she tried to no avail. She glanced over at the man who had handed her the cell phone and he was writing in a note pad. The zombie now beside him looking over his shoulder seemed to be entranced in what he was writing.
“What the fuck is going on?” She exclaimed.
“Well ma’am, I’d like to introduce you to Gnaarrgh Grrraaargrah Goooarargh, we work for the various cell phone companies across Canada and are conducting experiments to find out where the gaps in coverage are throughout the country.” At this point Amber was in total shock.
Was she still in danger? Was this guy for real? She started to speak her voiced cracked at first when she tried to put syllables together for words in an eventual sentence. “Are you going to eat my brains” she managed to muster? “Excuse me but unless you have a zombie translation book handy then maybe you should direct your questions to me.” “Ok Mister is the fucking Zombie going to eat my brains?”” It’s a simple question with a yes or no answer” she screamed. “Calm down no one is going to harm you at least neither one of us. Our job tends to get a bit boring so we throw in a little mayhem here a little fear or being eaten alive or turned into a creature much like our friend here.”“ You mean you just chase people hand them a phone and say try and call for help?". “In a nut shell yep we do.” “This is insane who would sign off on this!” “I want names, numbers.” “I need a minute, no wait I need two!” “What the fuck!”
“What if he had just decided that he was going to turn me into a Zombie, you know suck out my brains." “Oh that is a common misconception propagated by the movie industry.” “Gnaarrgh actually survives by sucking out bass player brains. Not only is he a zombie but we think he may be able to fill in for the bass player in poison.” “They are making a comeback album you know “ The annoying cell phone guy hands her another phone, “now try this one maybe call a friend your boyfriend.” She grabbed the silver shiny cell phone out of his hands.”I can’t believe that I am actually playing along with this whole scenario of yours.” “Yeah, yeah whatever can we move this along, or I’ll tell our little friend you play a twelve-string bass he’d eat you up” “Get it eat that eat you up.” She looked at the screen on the phone and could see that this experiment would heed the same results.”
“Honestly can you two not just look and see this phone has no bars and be done with it.” “ It’s possible just not as fun now dial” Amber dials her mom’s number, at least this way she would be able to tell her that she tried to call but couldn’t get through.
“Ok last one,” and he hands her a bright pink crinkle berry. The force is strong in this one . . . 555-2458, “It’s ringing” . . . “waiting” . . . “Damn voice mail, should I leave a message” “ sure by all means do it up”he quips back . . .” Hi Bess hope your night is going well! I am currently standing here with a 6-foot tall zombie and his master” “im sorry what was your name “ Oh it’s Fred “ . . . “Yes Fred some freakazoid from the twilight zone “. . . “call me k’s love ya “ Oh and by the way what is the address of that, ex-boyfriend of yours, the bass player?” “I have a friend who would love to dine on him” . . .